


and i couldn’t say a word (but who cares)

by questionabletendencies



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Drabble, F/M, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, believe it or not, fjsjkdkf, i also write things longer than drabbles when i have inspiration, its not all i write i promise, um i just realized everything i’ve posted so far is michael pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 04:26:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12203856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/questionabletendencies/pseuds/questionabletendencies
Summary: Jeremy calls Michael one evening and tells him about kissing Christine for the first time.





	and i couldn’t say a word (but who cares)

Jeremy calls Michael one evening and tells him about kissing Christine for the first time.

He calls it his first kiss, and the melting, enamored tones that make Jeremy’s voice just that much more mellifluous grate roughly against Michael's skin, shards of broken bottles and shattered phone screens carving trails of blood into the tender parts of Michael's body. And because it makes Jeremy happy, or because he enjoys how much it hurts, Michael lets Jeremy speak for as long as Jeremy pleases. Michael makes an effort that even _he_ can feel himself pushing, does his best to sound intrigued with what Jeremy has to say. The fact that he's speaking past bubbles that are stuck in his throat must be pretty well smothered, because the lovestruck hopelessness of Jeremy’s words never fail as they pour onto Michael, hot like tar, and all he can do is anticipate the feathers.

"I'm going to marry Christine," Jeremy vows into the phone, whispering a promise to Michael beneath thick bed sheets.

Michael thinks that's stupid, and Jeremy probably knows the extent of said stupidity. They've gone on one date. They've shared one kiss. Christine hadn’t even known Jeremy's name until a few weeks ago.

"Invite me to the wedding," Michael says back, voice resigned and straining amusement.

And like he's always been, Michael is there for every moment of Jeremy's life following that phone call. He walks five steps behind Jeremy, whispering encouragements into his ear when necessary, always bearing a shoulder to cry on lest Jeremy suddenly decide he need it. Michael keeps his hands in his pockets when he walks behind Jeremy, not because of a growing confidence Jeremy’s developed when Michael made the mistake of looking away, but because he’s afraid.

(As though that’s somehow easier to admit.)

Afraid or terrified to touch Jeremy, to do anything that might alter the shaky rhythm Jeremy's begun to establish, because it's one Michael intends to know well.

It's a rhythm that Michael expects will thump Jeremy out of the lovebug he's caught for Christine. Because this is high school, and sicknesses like love or ideas like soulmates are blown away with mere whispers of a breeze.

That's the mindset that Michael implants in himself, at least, because he's forgotten how his own rhythm has only hammered himself deeper into love with Jeremy. Love that can't be described with words like 'enamored' or 'smitten', because it isn't so innocent.

Maybe that’s why Michael doesn’t expect to lose the hot feeling that grows behind his eyes whenever he sees Jeremy and Christine kiss, because he somehow thinks the maturity of his own jealousy is beyond high school.

Maybe Michael is stupid.

Nonetheless, Jeremy makes Michael breathless.

Jeremy makes Michael throat close up and his heart clench. He makes Michael laugh so hard he's afraid he might cry. He makes Michael fear loneliness because it ultimately seems like something Michael will only face when they are parted. He makes Michael cry without meaning to, he makes Michael nervous and warm, he makes Michael happy beyond words already feasible to the human mind.

Mostly, however, he makes Michael wonder.

Some days, Michael wonders if he's truly in love with Jeremy, or if he's just repulsed by the idea of sharing him. Others, Michael knows he is in love. It's just a matter of whether he'd suddenly tripped and fallen into it one day, or every smile and squeeze of his heart since the beginning of time had been a trip deeper into love with Jeremy.

**Author's Note:**

> title is from ‘teenager in love’ by neon trees!! it’s a real bop give it a listen
> 
> i just found this hangin out in my notes and i haven’t written anything in a while so i decided to edit it and post it lol. hopefully it’ll yeet me outta my writer’s block!!
> 
> follow me on tumblr!!


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